So It’s Gonna to Be Forever, Or It’s Gonna Go Down In Flames

Whether you’re young, middle-aged, old, love is always a part of our lives. Chasing love, lust, desire, ‘the one’, the one night stand, the one you can fix, the one that’ll break your heart-constantly chasing. But it’s a chase, a game rather, that we can’t seem to get enough of.

He doesn’t text, we mull it over for days. She dodges you in the halls, you decide to make her jealous with another girl. You fight like a war is about to break, and yet you can’t break away from each other. The game of love can either feel like a paradise we’ve been waiting to reach our whole lives, or like there are flames swarming through the home we built, and we can’t seem to get out of it.

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The best kind of love is when you can take away the lust, the one night stands, the fixing, the control, the jealousy, the fighting-and just love. But, not all of us are lucky to find that the first time around, or the second, or the third. For some reason we don’t learn from our mistakes, we can’t take the blinders off and realize how toxic a relationship is until it’s broken us down to pieces.

I’ve been there, we all have. Not only is it a hard thing to admit when a relationship isn’t working, but it’s even more difficult to pull away from said relationship.

We all want to be loved, but at what cost? When you’re personal freedom, success, and dreams are thrown to the side for a toxic relationship, is it worth it?

I’d say, no. But I’ve also been in the haze of not realizing that a relationship wasn’t really going anywhere towards paradise, but rather towards those flames (the bad kind, that burn your shit to the ground).

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So my point? My advice? Don’t let the game of love destroy YOU. You’ll know when the right ‘one’ comes along, but until then focus on your success and most importantly, your happiness.

There is no rule that says you need to chase a failing relationship no matter what, that you don’t need to be with your significant other because it’s ‘comfortable’, or because you know nothing else.

Sometimes people turn out to be something we never even imagined. They lie, cheat, and steal our happiness when we thought they would create a happily ever after for us. But, that’s okay. Because whether you believe it or not, life goes on even when you have to let those people go (and usually goes on for the better).

So, let the rain pour down, wipe away the flames, and do you.

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3 Non-Traditional Valentine's Day Dates to Do With Your SO

If you’re anything like me, being handed a stuffed teddy bear, heart-shaped necklace, and heart-shaped box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day is not your thing. That teddy bear will inevitably become my dogs toy, that necklace will never be worn, and those chocolates thrown out. I’m not a cynical brat, but like to be more realistic when it come to the holiday of love.

In my opinion, Valentine’s Day was way cooler when we were kids, and that’s how I want to remember it (except with a little booze mixed in this time). I want those cool little V-day Spiderman themed cards we used to get in class, and to celebrate with a party full of cupcakes and cookies-with zero expectations on the side.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be fun, regardless of if you have someone special to share it with. So, if you and your significant other are in the same boat as me, here are three dates for a not so traditional Valentine’s Day night.

1. Netflix, Burgers, and Cheap Wine

Ever heard of a better combination? Me either. Why bother going out to a fancy restaurant, where the wait will be hours long, and the food mediocre at best when you could sit on your couch with a loaded bacon burger and $8 dollar bottles of wine? Yes, bottles of wine-not $8 glasses. You can re-watch endless episodes of The Office (and swoon over Jim & Pam’s relationship), get drunk, and get some bomb-ass food with the one you love. It’s basically the adult version of that Valentine’s Day party you had in elementary school.

2. Wine, Beer, or Liquor Tasting

If you have this option around you, it’s the perfect date night out. You can learn some new info about your favorite wines or rums, fall in love with a new brand of alcohol, and share in the tasting fun with your SO. Follow this with a not-so-classy dive bar where you’ll again find some greasy delicious food to pair with that tasting you just did, and some more cheap drinks. You get the best of both worlds in this date with a little class from your tasting, and a little low-key with your dive bar. You can’t go wrong.

3. Chefing it up in the kitchen together.

So, if you’re trying not to spend the money on Seamless orders or a night out-find a cool recipe you’ll both like, grab some ingredients at the store, and get cooking together in the comfort of your own home! Cooking together can be a really fun night, even if the end result isn’t what you hoped for (in that case you may have to find a coupon code and hit up Seamless). You can pair this date with those $8 dollar bottles of wine (because what’s better than that?), try something completely different, and again enjoy the no-expectations casual night ahead.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be all about roses, stuffed bears, chocolate, and sappy hallmark cards. It’s important to remember that you’re lucky to have this person in your life every day, and just so happen to get a holiday to celebrate it. The day shouldn’t be full of expectations like, ‘Is he going to say ‘I love you’ tonight?’, or ‘Will she love this diamond necklace?’. Let those go, enjoy each other’s company, binge watch The Office on Netflix, drink cheap wine, and remember why you’re with this person.

If you’re single on this day, the dates listed above are some awesome things to do solo, or with your best girl or guy friends. That’s the beauty of the day, you can celebrate it in any way you want-you can celebrate how awesome the guy you’re hooking up with is, how kickass your friends are, or how much you love your significant other. However, I think it’s more fun to do so with Spiderman themed Valentine’s day cards, burgers, and alcohol.

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3 Signs It's Time To Let Them Go

Letting someone out of your life is no easy task, whether it’s the person you’re dating, a best friend, or a family member. Odds are, that person has been in your life for years, and the thought of removing them from your world sounds slightly terrifying.

However, there comes a time when you need to face facts. If you’re considering letting this person go, then it is quite obvious that there is a reason you two should be apart. Maybe it feels like (and is true) that he or she no longer supports you, maybe all you do when you’re together is fight, maybe you’ve grown up and they haven’t, or maybe you’ve simply grown out of this relationship in one way or another.

Whatever the reason, it is a hard truth to come to terms with. But, the relationships we keep should be ones filled with joy, support, laughter, love, and a true connection. If you don’t have any of those anymore, what do you really have?

If any of the ‘maybe’ situations ring true for you right now, it’s time to ask yourself why you are still continuing to tangle your world in this other persons. So, follow the signs and ask yourself:

1. Is this person toxic?

This is a hard question to answer, but once you dig a bit deeper it will become clear. If all you do is fight, name call, spill over with jealousy at this persons every move, don’t receive the support you need, etc.-this person is a toxic element in your life. There is no reason that you should keep them around when all they have to give is a bad taste in your mouth.

2. Have you grown out of said person?

Also, another tough question to answer. But weed through the conversations that you’ve had with him or her. Do you have similar beliefs in this crazy world? Do they have as big of goals as you do? Do they want to chase dreams, travel, and get as much out of life as you do? If the answer is a big no, no, and no-then what do you have to gain from this relationship? If they aren’t on the same page as you, how can they support you?

3. Do they make you happy?

Pretty simple question. Does this person make you feel pure happiness when you’re together? Can you just sit in silence and be content? Does their name popping up on your phone get you excited because you love hearing from this person (Sorry, you got a bunch of other questions added on to this one)? These are serious things to consider when you are on the fence about keeping someone in your life.

Letting go of the one’s that once made us smile, that once felt like the only person we could turn to, that once made us happy-it’s not easy. However, like I’ve done in the past-I would rather remove a toxic person from my life (no matter how difficult, sad, and hurt you may feel while doing it), than lead a life with someone who brings me nothing but bitterness, sadness, and harm.

Your happiness is important too, never forget that.

Don't Be Afraid to Fall in Love More Than Once

Thanks to our childhood fairy tales like Cinderella, there is a great majority of us that are prone to believing that one can only love once. Your prince charming rides up on his white horse, sweeps you off your feet, and that’s that. We watch these romantic movies where guy meets girl, guy gets girl, and they live happily ever after. Well, I’m here to break the news- life is definitely not a fairy tale or a Nicholas Sparks novel. Now hear me out, I’m not being cynical (only a little), I am simply being realistic. After my last break up I thought, well that’s it. My one and done. I’m never going to fall in love, and I’m never going to meet ‘the one’. At twenty-one these were the thoughts twisting and turning in my head. Twenty-one, and I thought I was doomed for life.

You know what movies are my favorite? The ones when the relationship doesn’t work out in the end, the two people realize they aren’t right for each other, or they find different significant others. That is real. Falling in love with more than one person in your life time is real, and more than okay. Life shifts us in crazy directions. The person that you fall for when you’re fifteen is not necessarily ‘the one’, but there are so many lessons that you can take away from each relationship. The one that didn’t work out will be there to remind you of what you don’t want, and you’ll be that much better of a person for knowing that. Just because one relationship did not end in marriage and kids, does not mean that you won’t find that in someone else, and probably someone better for you.

We all want a relationship like Allie and Noah from the Notebook, but maybe it takes falling in and out of love three to five times before we find that unwavering and timeless love. In the meantime, it is also perfectly normal to be single. Focusing on yourself, and truly finding who you are may need to come before love. The social ‘norms’ of needing to always find or be with someone is ludicrous. Maybe you’re too in love with yourself and your cat or dog right now to find time to meet ‘the one’, and that my friends is okay.

However, if you’re one of the singles out there swiping left or right on Tinder, desperate to find your knight in shining armor, maybe it’s time to give it a rest. You’re probably not going to find the love of your life when you’re desperately seeking him or her out. There’s no rule that says you cannot be single, especially in your 20’s. Enjoy the time you have to find and love yourself first. Jumping into a relationship just to say you finally have a girlfriend or boyfriend is a set up for disaster. Listen to that saying about finding the right one when you’re not even looking, and don’t settle for second best. There is someone out there for everyone. It may take that one disaster relationship for you to meet your ‘Noah’ or ‘Allie’. But don’t give up, don’t settle, and most certainly don’t shame yourself for leading that single life.