Bow Down To The Alpha Females In The Room

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Until I reached my 20’s, I never really thought of myself as an ‘alpha female’. I mean, I’ve always been independent (insert Destiny’s Child lyrics here), I’ve never relied on a male (unless it was my awesome Dad), and I’ve always done what I wanted to do. I’ve always been shy, timid at times, and yet some would call me ‘intimidating’, and boys wouldn’t talk to me because of that. I had issues in relationships because I wanted to do me, and wouldn’t let any jealous boy get in the way of that. I wanted to accomplish goals, travel, experience the world, and I didn’t need anyone to hold my hand through it. 

Now, I realize that although people (manly boys) were intimidated by my independence, it’s one of my best assets-one I won’t let go of for anyone.

The ‘alpha’ female in me has grown and changed throughout the years, sometimes wanted to break down and give up, but has always stayed and pushed me through some seriously rough times. It’s broken the barriers between wanting to reach my goal and being too afraid, allowing me to just go for it no matter what happened in the end. It’s allowed me to never settle for a relationship that weighs me down, but rather one where I can have an equal counter part who allows me to be me. It holds my head up when others question my decisions, and gives me the strength I need to keep pushing.

Being an independent, ‘alpha’ women in today’s world is generally more accepted than it once was, but there are still people (men and women both) who think it’s a negative trait for a woman to have. Luckily, myself along with the other strong women in the room don’t give a sh*t what ‘others’ say, and won’t settle for the basic essentials in life.


Alpha Females are; strong, leaders, independent, goal oriented, driven, and know how to stand up for themselves.


I think these women are forgotten in the midst of everyone craving that beautiful, Instagram model with 1M followers, and other ‘assets’. These women get pushed aside while the men are congratulated for all of the successes, pay raises, and for sleeping with X amount of women (yea I went there).

But, we’re still here. We’re still pushing for what we want out of this world, we’re still aiming high. And maybe that doesn’t align with the cookie cutter life that women are told we’re supposed to have. Maybe that doesn’t fall into place with having 2.5 kids by the time we’re 25, and staying at home to take care of those kids. Maybe there’s a lot more out of this life that we crave than a white picket fence by 30.

So, here’s to the ‘alphas’ in the room. Here’s to the ladies that strive for more no matter the circumstances, and no matter the obstacles that they face. Here’s to the women that are leaders, who show that if you are driven and determined you will succeed.

And if you are one of these women, applaud yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be a leader, that you shouldn’t want more, that you can’t have all that you want.

Keep striving, keep reaching, don’t quit.

Experiencing 'All The Feels': Why Being 'Sensitive' Is Okay

For some of us, ‘sensitive’ is one of those words people use to describe us. Along with hot mess, emotional, and a few others I’m sure. We may seem ‘too sensitive’ to others, and naturally feel bad about ourselves when people explain us in that way. However, if you fall under this category of being labeled ‘too sensitive’ (like myself), I say GOOD. Why? Because that means you care. You care deeply, wildly, maybe sometimes a little too much, but at least you care. Whether it’s about your friends, family, job, significant other, pet, you feel what they feel.

You probably are an extreme people pleaser, a little crazy at times, and when someone hurts you, you feel it just a little bit harder than the average person.

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I get it, I’m there with you. If your loved one is hurt, you hurt with them. If your dog has to go to the vet, you feel like you’re walking into a horrible doctor’s office with them (okay, maybe that’s just me…). And when someone throws shade your way, you have a hard time taking it lightly.

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It’s a tough personality trait to deal with. We’re ‘too sensitive’, but then appreciated when we’re the only one’s there for a friend in need. We’re a ‘hot mess’, but then a welcome shoulder to cry on. We can’t seem to win, but that’s okay. Being sensitive, emotional, it makes us who we are. We can relate to our peers better, we can understand one another better (most of the time), and naturally have more empathy for others.

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But, let’s not get these characteristics confused with bat shit crazy. If you’re constantly stealing your boyfriends phone and scrolling through his texts, you’re not being a hot mess, too sensitive, or overly caring, you’re being insecure. Know when you are experiencing ALL of the feels too much, and when you need to push yourself out of the emotional chaos you’ve created. Know when you’re people pleasing is actually just turning into getting yourself walked all over. Know how to maintain the balance of wanting to please everyone but also needing to please yourself.

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My advice?

Continue to be your emotional self, be vulnerable, take others under your wing-but don’t forget to think about you.

It’s okay to care (a lot), but remember that you matter as well. Let others take care of you every now and then, pull back from certain situations if they’re exhausting all of your energy, and keep in mind that you don’t have to be the saving grace every time. You are just as important as everyone else.

The Art Of Not Settling That Goes Beyond A Bad Relationship

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I’ve realized a lot about life in the last couple of months since moving my life to Boston and starting my new job. Here are a few things that I have learned; I am not by any means a morning person, Boston traffic makes me have terrible road rage, I am a caffeine addict whether I want to admit it or not, and finally with a record eight feet of snow in the Bean I have learned to parallel park and never leave my spot open to the Southie savages.

However, if we take a more serious turn down the everyday life of this recent college grad, I have learned one very valuable lesson. Never, ever, under any circumstances should you “settle.” Now that I’ve said the big no-no, let’s talk about what it actually means to settle. When most people hear the term “settle,” they normally think of never settling for a bad relationship. But this goes so much further than that, and lucky for you I’m here to enlighten you!

In my experience, the act of settling goes so far beyond your egotistical sh*tty boyfriend. You could be settling for the wrong friend, apartment, roommate, job, or even that crappy cup of coffee you keep getting every morning. It goes to every aspect of your life. Once you have realized that little piece, you’re surely on the right track to fixing whatever it is that you are stuck in.

The dictionary definition of the word “settle” is:

1. To appoint, fix, or resolve definitely or conclusively agree upon (as time, price, or conditions)
2. To pay, as a bill
3. To migrate and organize
4. To cause to take up residence

Now, at a glance many of these definitions, if not all, don’t seem to take on the negative connotation that society has seemed to give to the word “settle.” However, being the English major that I am, I cannot let the deeper meaning here slide past me.

What I see in these four definitions is the lack of choice. They are all about paying back, resolving on something, or agreeing upon it. Where is my choice?! I don’t want to conclude my morning with a crappy coffee. I want the choice to argue and get a better one. I don’t want to resolve my work issues by telling my company exactly what they want to hear. I want the choice to stand up for myself, and have my opinions be heard (in a polite manner of course, I’m not trying to get fired here).

What is the best part of all of this you may ask? We absolutely DO have a choice. The real trick is whether or not we decide to take it or not. So, I urge not only myself but everyone to take the leap of faith and stop settling. Your friends (including mine) don’t want to hear you complain about your awful desk job, your sh*tty boyfriend (who probably thinks he’s great), your boss who won’t give you the time of day, or that crappy cup of coffee.

So, let’s do something about it. If you find yourself settling, stop it. Quit now while you’ve realized you’re doing it. If you haven’t realized it, here are a few ways you might be able to tell:

1. You complain obsessively to anyone that will listen, but it’s been six months and you’re still in the same commitment. (I.E Low paying desk job with an irritable boss, boyfriend or girlfriend who doesn’t give you the time to day, etc.)

2. You say more negative things about yourself, significant other, job, etc. than you do positive. Aka you’re a serious “Negative Nancy”

3. Simply put, you’re not happy.

If you are ever these three things, you are absolutely one hundred and ten percent settling for whatever commitment you are in. It’s probably eating you up inside, and it has completely taken over your day to day life.

If you’re waiting for me to give you a magic answer or waive a wand to make you break your settling ways, you may as well stop reading right here. I have no answer for you. As I sit here writing this I have realized that I too am settling in my life. But do not lose hope, because I have compiled a short list of steps that may help both of us break this cycle.

1. Settling for a bad boyfriend/girlfriend or friend and you’ve realized it?

Ask yourself why you’re still in the relationship. Are you gaining anything from it? Are you happy with him or her? Do have fun with him/her? Do you want to brag about them? No? Then dump them (yes, you can break up with friends too), you’ll live. You’ll even find your new happy self-emerging once you’ve made the decision to do it.

2. Settling for a downright awful job where you are not appreciated?

(I AM I AM). Well, like me you may not be able to quit immediately. But, you can definitely spare an hour, get your resume sparkling again, and shoot out some e-mails! What have you really got to lose? It’ll be hard, time consuming, and tiring BUT isn’t being challenged better than settling? Just say yes, please.

So, I beg and plead for you to join me in making a plan of attack. End this rut of bad relationships, bad food, bad jobs, bad books, bad coffee, End it if not for yourself, but for your poor friends who are tired of hearing how awful your boss or boyfriend is. We can’t walk through our lives in a haze.

Broaden your horizons! Travel, experience great food, go to a new museum, try a new profession, ANYTHING that will cut the ties that hold you to your past settling self. We should be happy, challenged, and excited. Of course there are bad days even when you’re doing something that you love. But at least you’ll have a fun job, loving significant other, or a really great coffee to drown your sorrows in when that happens. Realize it, learn the art, and stop settling.

How I Learned To Cope With Grief Through The Loss of My Pet

On this day last year, I lost my best guy-my 100lb lap dog Buddy. Not only was he a gentle giant, he was the most fun-loving dog you could ever meet. And while I was teaching him to; sit, give paw, and not drag me down the street while on his leash, without even knowing it, he was teaching me how deeply I could love. He was giving me invaluable life lessons that I didn’t even realize a dog could teach us, until he was gone.

When cancer took my  best friend’s life May 16th, 2015, I finally knew what it meant to be completely heart-broken. I had never experienced that feeling before, despite losing other loved ones in the past. It felt like our time was cut way too short, like I couldn’t go back to my parents house if Buddy wasn’t going to be there to greet me, and like I had been stripped of this bond that no one could understand.

Buddy’s passing was the first time I didn’t shove the grief down so far that it would be locked away tight, with no key. It was the first time I let myself crumble and actually feel the sadness, heartbreak, and anger that came along with losing him.

It feels like I’ve attended more funerals than the average 24 year should, having lost a lot of loved ones and friends throughout my teenage years. But in those situations I would shove that grief down as far as possible, and not speak about it. I wouldn’t share my sadness with anyone, and would just let it all turn to anger.

However, Buddy passing (and this crazy amazing dog in general), made me realize that it’s okay to feel something. It’s okay to talk about them, to miss them, to cry about it (a lot), and to reflect on all the really amazing times you had together.

Who knew it would take a really goofy golden retriever to teach me something so important?

So, if you’ve lost a loved one (even a pet), understand that it’s okay to truly grieve that loss. It’s okay to cry in the middle of a get together because someone mentioned their name, it’s okay to laugh really hard after remembering that time he got on the counter and ate half a batch of chocolate chip cookies, and most importantly-it’s okay to not feel heartbroken forever.

Of course today, I miss Buddy with every piece of me. I miss him rushing at me when I go home to see my parents. I miss him sitting at my feet snoring and having puppy dreams. But I also know that I had an amazing ten years with him, ten whole years that I will forever cherish.

No one dog will ever replace Buddy, but I know that it’s okay to continue having other dogs in my life-even if I know our time together won’t be forever. Because it’s the memories that you build while you are together that truly matter.

My giant lap dog passed on a lot of life lessons (whether he knew it or not), but I’m most grateful that I was able to learn how to actually cope with loss and the bad times because of him.

When the brunt of the grief has passed, don’t forget to remember all of the lessons learned, the amazing times you had with your loved one, and all of the pictures and memories that you will be able to take with you wherever you go.

Because how can I not smile when I look back on that face?

 

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