I Don't Have It All Figured Out, And That's Okay

October 13, 2015

This past week and even still today, I had a pretty major epiphany that I thought was worth sharing. Because when you realize something major it’s only fair to share the wealth, right? So, without writing a diary entry and spilling my deepest emotions I’ll just say that I have been the Captain of the Struggle Bus lately. Between deciding to switch career paths, losing my dog, and not knowing what the fuck to do with my life- you can say I’ve been quite a mess.

BUT today (with some help from dear old Mom) I realized that being a mess is more than okay. That’s right, I said it’s OKAY. I’ve been stuck in this box of black and white thinking. If I don’t get ‘said job’ my life is over, if I don’t get ‘said apartment’ my life is over, I have to put my dog down, my life is over. And although all of the above have been difficult, I have realized that I am completely boxing myself into this corner rather than letting great things happen and come to me in their own ways. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at my email waiting for the perfect job to get back to me, and then let that e-mail that never showed up ruin my entire day. How ridiculous right? But I know I’m not the only one out there experiencing this same exact struggle, and am not the only 20 something who is unsure what the right next move is.

In college, I had my entire life mapped out. I knew the career I wanted, the place I wanted to live, and the experiences I wanted to have. What I’ve come to terms with now is that mapping my life out between the ages of 18-20 is such a joke. I mean yes, it’s great to have an idea of what career path you want to go down and an idea of where you would like to live, but having it planned out to a T is unrealistic. You never know what events will happen, who you will meet, what new ideas will come to you, or what experiences you’ll have that will literally change everything.

The last couple of months I have felt like the biggest failure. All of my friends and family were doing great, and I was unsure of what my next move should be. Until this moment I thought that I should have everything figured out. I should have the stable 9-5 job. I should have a huge amount of money. I should be happy with this plan that I chose at 19. But what if I don’t want any of those things (well besides a lot of money)? What if I want adventures, and to work a job that lets me be my true creative and free-spirited self? What if I don’t want to be tied down to a company or school for 5+ years, be married by 25, and have kids by 30?

So, with all of this said I am challenging you AND myself to stop boxing ourselves in, and to stop thinking in black and white. Rather, think in a multitude of colors, and break the walls that are stopping us from allowing these really exciting experiences in. I thought I was a disappointment to my family and friends. However, I’ve realized that I have a really badass support system, and as long as I’m not out stripping I know they have my back. I hope all of you have these people behind you as well, but regardless this journey is about making YOURSELF happy too. Not everything has to be about what others will think of you, how your parents will feel if you quit your job and travel Africa, or if you will disappoint your friends. If you don’t get your dream job at 25, you are only 25. There is so much room for better opportunities. Life is a crazy place, but if you’re not happy in the midst of all the craziness, then what is the point?  Maybe tomorrow the perfect job, significant other, apartment, trip, or whatever it is you want will come along. But for today, appreciate what you do have and stop wasting the days away waiting for what you want to come like I have.

Set yourself free of worry, doubt, and all insecurities (I’m working on this too) then we can watch all the beautiful experiences come twofold together. And if you have to go to some shitty office job that you hate tomorrow, embody your inner Taylor Swift (from the Bad Blood music video obviously) and you’ll be sure to get through the day. Happy hour after work always helps too.

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